Ashton had a rough afternoon/night/morning with way to many "episodes". By 5:00p.m. yesterday mommy was getting very weary and wore out from watching the monitors all day long. As I prayed to God this morning I got an overwhelming peace. It wasn't a "don't worry everything is going to be just fine" feeling, but it was a "you are not alone" feeling. Guys, this is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life and there are times when I feel like I'm just going through the motions. When people tell me "stay strong for your little girl" and "make sure you get plenty of rest" I want to say "how do you rest when your baby is in the NICU" and "I'm trying to be strong, but I'm scared", but I don't because I know people mean well and they don't understand.
So on day 24 we are taking it hour by hour. The last four hours there have been less "episodes", but she is still having them. The doctors increased one of her meds (caffiene) at 9:00a.m. today and if the episodes don't slow down she will go back to C-Pap and we will see if that helps. Either way, we know our God is good and he will see us through this storm. Maybe not the way or on the path that we desire, but according to his plan.
Brandi
He gives power to the faint and weary, and to him who has no might He increases strength [causing it to multiply and making it to abound]. Isaiah 40: 29
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